Sometimes we have to go back to move forward.

2023 Recap

Hey:)

I'm Bekah. 

I am starting my Substack by recapping my year. 

I think it may tell you a little bit about me. 

We can start at the beginning. January. 

I started my second semester of college and a new major. 

I switched from Psychology to Digital Media and Journalism because I learned I wanted to tell stories rather than only listen to them as a therapist (which is still a very noble profession). 

I nannied for a little 5-year-old girl who taught me to "dance it out" 

Then came February. 

In February, my friend Danielle visited my college, and we went to a Jordy Searcy concert, where he sang her happy birthday from the stage. Late in the month, I got placed as a Young Life leader at Amherst High School. Something I had been looking forward to for years and still love.

 

In March, I went on a spring break trip with my friends to Folly Island and made the best memories dancing on the beach and watching movies like "Pride and Prejudice." I also wrote a poem and designed a t-shirt with my friend that we submitted to an art fair at school and got to sell. I witnessed a girl cry in front of me reading it. A moment as a writer I will never forget.

In April, I visited Zion National Park and hiked the infamous "Angels Landing". I brought my Bible up with me on the hike on a whim and ended up meeting an Israeli man who was very friendly and asked us about the national holiday going on (Easter). I got to give him my Bible. Again, a moment from this year I will never forget, especially with the war going on in Gaza. I also started coaching track for the school where I lead Young Life. I wanted to specialize in distance, which happens to be all boys at Amherst. So, coaching was entertaining, to say the least. 

In May, I said goodbye to everyone at school and returned home to South Carolina. Then, I headed to Brevard, North Carolina, to work at a Younglife camp for a month. There, I worked in laundry and got to meet some awesome people. I got to form new relationships without the distraction of phones or "real life." It was a truly precious time, and I grew immensely in my faith.

Then comes June. 

After leaving camp, I had two days, and then my family left for vacation in Hawaii. Hawaii was amazing. So beautiful. So peaceful. So different than the "mainland". The first five days of our trip were awe-filled. 

And then my memory stops. 

Next thing I know, it's the end of July, I'm in a hospital, I can't seem to keep anything in my head, they won't give me my phone, and I can't get out of bed. I remember thinking, "This is a super messed up dream". I had a super chunky neck brace on, couldn't walk, had to prop my right arm up when I wanted it moved, and could only have my phone when my mom was in my hospital room. I just wanted to listen to music, okay? 

But they had good reason not to give it to me. I learned our car hydroplaned in Hawaii. We crashed hard. I broke my neck and sustained a traumatic brain injury. I didn't know what a traumatic brain injury was, but I knew that everything was not right. I could only remember what I saw in pictures, and my situation was beyond my comprehension. 

The second half of my year has been very different than the first. 

Miraculously, and by the grace of God, I began to heal. 

I had to learn how to do everything again, from walking to writing a paper. Everything has been trial and error. My memory, thankfully, began to recover. I remembered my favorite movies, TV shows, and music, but I didn't know why they were my favorite. I remember watching my favorite movie, "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty". I knew what would happen next as I watched, but there was no connection. No feelings. My emotions had to relearn how to function, too. 

August-October all feels the same to me. I focused on healing. 

I went to 4 different types of therapy and learned that speech therapy could also mean cognitive therapy. I gradually felt more and more normal and really just sick of my house. The reality that my friends were all moving on with life, enjoying college while mine was still on pause, hit me daily. Towards the end of October, when I was getting ready to finish all my therapy, my mom told me I could return to college. 

My friends. My community. 

I was elated. 

So, in November, I went. 

I got to live on a college campus again. Got to see my younglife kids again. I went to my favorite coffee shop, celebrated my friend's birthday, and tried to fit in. I would try my hardest every day to make sure my brain injury would go unnoticed. Schoolwork was a new kind of hard. My one class took me 3x the amount of time. I had to actually try in conversations. I was always on. We played "4 on a couch" at a birthday party. I tried so hard to concentrate. To do good so, no one would notice that this was not a casual game for me.

All I wanted was to be normal again. My therapy was over, but everything was not 100% yet. It might never be. 

Thankfully, there is a thing called hope and another called time. 

Both are great!

And with that

 December! I came home for the semester. I went on a farewell trip with some of my friends who are going abroad. And I got to have Christmas with alllll my family. 

I've decided to start processing this year by writing stuff like this. I am still healing from a brain injury. An invisible injury. One that no one will be able to fully understand. The reality that I'm not completely healed, and life will never be "normal" again, quite frankly, sucks. But it's the cards I've been dealt, and I get to decide where to go from here. 

Thankfully, the story is not over, and I have some people encouraging me along the way.

I know this first post has been pretty depressing, and I never really know why I share stuff. Nevertheless, I became a journalism major because I've always loved people's perspectives. This is my perspective right now. It's not pretty, but it's the truth, and that's all I have to give. 

I hope that someone can connect. I know most people reading will never get what a brain injury is, but at the core, we all feel the same way. 

We all want to be understood. 

Till next week. - Bek

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